Hi Sharon,

So that's an interesting idea - the idea of strength. To be honest, it's actually more about surrender. Surrendering the ego protection enough to simply let the heart embrace the present moment only. This is the little trick that I played on myself. I said, ok, for the next minute, ego and emotional child, know that I love you and I'll be back in a minute to focus on you. But right now,  and only for a minute,  I need to share my big heart with my mom/dad/whomever… and then I'll be back to take care of your own heart. It's not permanent. It's just a short act of complete compassion for another person who needs my compassion at this moment…  And then, once I could do it for a minute, I just extended it out a few minutes at a time until I was able to stay in that completely open, compassionate space for an hour or more. Then I would take a break, do what I needed to do for myself, and then come back again when I was ready…. Honestly, it was an amazing experiment which I never could have thought of, let alone tried, before Hoffman.

Hoffman is life changing, I am finding. But only when I move out of my head and into action. One thing that the Buddhist teacher said to me a couple of weeks ago that really helped is that everyone's internal universe, including our own, is so complex that no other human being can possible comprehend it. We never will be able to. We can understand parts of it, but we will never understand how they think…. all of our universes are made up of every moment, every experience in our lives from birth. Think about how different and complex that makes us. So thinking about that, I keep reminding myself that I can't judge my father because honestly, while I think I know him and how he thinks (and how wrong he can be ! ;) I really don't. I just need to be compassionate and stay out of judgment and reactivity.

It will take me a long time for this muscle to get close to the strength of my judgmental muscle, but there is no time like the present to start!

Much love,
Schon

On 27 May 2018, at 10:49, Sharon Henderson <sharuns1@gmail.com> wrote:

Wow Schon, I need some of your strength!! Please!!

Carmine, you’ve got this!! All of us are with you in spirit today!! Good luck and deep breaths. 💕💕

Sent from my iPhone

> On May 27, 2018, at 10:36 AM, Carmine Torella (via 0318ct list) <0318ct@hoffmangroups.org> wrote:
>
> This is an amazing, inspiring story...I love it.  Thank you.
>
> Thank You,
>
> Carmine Torella
>
>> On May 27, 2018, at 10:30 AM, Schon Beechler <schon.beechler@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Dear Carmine,
>>
>> That is wonderful news. I spent 5 days with my dad last week, a person I have always had a difficult relationship with. I decided that this time I would really, really listen to him. To let him do most of the talking, guide the conversation. And that before I spoke or did anything, I would ask myself the question: "Is this the most compassionate thing I could be doing for my dad in this moment?" It wasn't easy, he pushed some of my buttons, but when I left on Friday, I told him I loved him, and he told me what a great visit it was. Later told his wife that it was the best visit ever. It was a very valuable lesson for me. How much can change with just a few (not so simple) changes in my own mindset and way of being.
>>
>> Good luck and let us know how it goes! I'll be thinking of you.
>> xxx
>> Schon
>>
>> On 27 May 2018, at 10:25, Carmine Torella (via 0318ct list) <0318ct@hoffmangroups.org> wrote:
>>
>> Today is the day...my Mom is coming over.  It’s been 25 or so years. Thank you to all the Hoffman angels for saving my life.
>>
>>
>>
>> Thank You,
>>
>> Carmine Torella
>>
>